Numb

Emotionally draining day.

Grades for my final two classes were released, and I did a little better, but not enough to really feel comfortable or relieve my stress. A B+ in Torts is disappointing, but an A- in Civil Procedure (the class for which I couldn’t sleep the night before the exam) is wholly surprising. My scores are so inconsistent, though, that I can’t really make a determination about which of my study habits worked, and which need changing. Frustrating.

And yet ultimately meaningless. One of our classmates suffered a seizure towards the end of Criminal Law today, and suddenly the stress and anxiety of school and grades just feels so pointless. The class alternately freaked out and did what they could to help, while the professor immediately took control and handled everything like a superhero. But it contributes to this general sense of emotional/mental shock and dislocation I’m feeling. It’s hard to create a sense of connection and relevancy this semester, and I’m not sure why. While walking to the bus stop after classes, I had to call up Her and just babble for a while, in the middle of Her workday. I didn’t know what to do, or how to react, or what to feel. The work is still getting done, and I’m grinding through as best I can, but I feel a little lost.

I really miss Her.

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