It’s certainly been a while, but let’s see if we can’t keep things a little bit more regular from here on out, hm?
I’m about 75% settled into my apartment in Ann Arbor at the moment, on the weekend before Orientation at Michigan Law, which is terrifying for a number of reasons, but perhaps none more than this:
The next three years are the start of everything I want to do for the rest of my life.
I met the girl of my dreams over the summer (so all in all… good summer!). And aside from the fact that I’m impossibly in love with her, and thereby feel utterly crushed to leave her, all of a sudden what I do in school for these three years matters. Choosing law school was always a practical decision: I switched industries and careers because teaching and academia was something I thought I loved to do. As long as I was fulfilling a dream and indulging a passion, I was willing to overlook the often terrible pay (especially in the humanities), lack of stability (unless you lucked into a tenure-track position, unlikely in English departments), and high stress environment (especially for natural shut-ins, like myself). When I found I didn’t actually love teaching (especially the subject that would likely form the bulk of my teaching load: composition), the downsides to working in education began to heavily outweigh the advantages.
And thus the switch to law. Law was never intended as a dream profession. I’m not even yet sure I will be all that interested, though the analytic part of my mind will surely find something to occupy its time in this field. No, law was a means of ensuring the kind of financial stability I wanted. This was to pay for the family and family lifestyle I would love to have, to provide adequately for the wife and kids I want to come home to every evening.
With the girl of my dreams, all of that has become a true reality, instead of a distant possibility. I can see (and desperately want to) myself spending the rest of my life with her. Now, doing well in law school means getting a good job and bringing a life together with her that much closer. Now, getting that internship with a choice firm in my 2L summer gives two people financial security, instead of just one. Now, I have something I want to work for.
Having this goal makes everything feel a lot more critical and pressing. It’s good for me. I feel motivated in a way I have never felt before. But it also makes me impatient to get everything started, to get everything finished, so I can go on with the rest of my life.